Driving drunk on PEDs

If you ask Bronson Arroyo, pretty much every Major Leaguer takes performance-enhancing drugs — while driving drunk.

Oh wait, that’s not exactly what he said.

But it’s certainly close.

Arroyo had a lot of interesting things to say, just hours before tossing a 2-hit shutout against the robust lineup of the Washington Nationals.

Here some of my favorites:

• “[Taking PEDs] might be dangerous, but so is drinking and driving. And how many of us do it at least once a year? Pretty much everybody.”

Is he referring to professional athletes or the Average Joe? Because this average Joe has done neither of those things, thank you very much!

• “I can see where guys like Hank Aaron and some of the old-timers have a beef with [PEDs]. But as far as looking at Manny Ramirez like he’s [serial killer] Ted Bundy, you’re out of your mind. At the end of the day, you think anybody really [cares] whether Manny Ramirez’s kidneys fail and he dies at 50?”

Arroyo has a point. In fact, he has two reasonable points here. Manny Ramirez is way less heinous a human being than a serial killer. I can’t deny that. He’s only harming is own body, not taking human lives.

But I hate Ramirez, because he disrespects the game. He doesn’t hustle, he

Two people that don't know when to stop talking

cheats, he breaks the law [steroids are illegal in the U.S., people tend to forget that] and he quits on his team when he sees fit. He’s an embarrassment. A fantastic player, yes, but he’s a person that has no qualms of making a mockery of the game.

Arroyo’s other point in that quote is partly true. Most people wouldn’t care if Ramirez paid the consequences of taking PEDs and he dies at 50. Manny isn’t hurting us, after all.

• “[Amphetamines are] like bubble gum compared to steroids. You’re playing [night games] in L.A., you fly across the country, and you’re pitching a day game at Wrigley [Field in Chicago]. You telling me you don’t want something to wake you up? You have half this country, maybe more, that can’t function without a cup of coffee.”

I’m no doctor or nutritionist, so I can’t comment on his comparison of Amphetamines to a generic steroid. But as someone who went to college and worked in a newsroom, I can attest that 90% of people cannot function without their coffee. You know who you are.

• “I have a lot of guys in [the locker room] who think I’m out of [my] mind because I’m taking a lot of things not on the [MLB-approved] list. I take 10 to 12 different things a day, and on the days I pitch, there’s four more things. There’s a caffeine drink I take from a company that Curt Schilling introduced me to in ’05. I take some Korean ginseng and a few other proteins out there that are not certified. But I haven’t failed any tests, so I figured I’m good.”

Yeah, you WERE good until you opened your big mouth. If I were Bud Selig, I would suspend him 50 games.

If you take drugs that are not approved by the MLB, you are suspended 50 games. Arroyo just GAVE you proof that he has taken banned drugs. Suspend him.

• “I do what I want to do and say what I want to say. But society has made this such a tainted thing. The media has made it where people look at it in such a super-negative light. I’ve always been honest. I’m not going to stop now.”

Love the honesty. It is refreshing, especially when most athletes lie and feed us B.S. 99% of the time.

But this 1% should get him fined, as I said before. Sometimes being honest isn’t the best idea. I think we all know that by now, don’t we?

• “If Mark McGwire is hitting 60 homers, the only thing that matters is his performance. People don’t own teams to lose money. If you ask any owner whether they would rather make $20 million and come in last place or lose $20 million and win a World Series, there’s only one guy who honestly would take that championship: George Steinbrenner. Nobody else.”

He’s 100% right about that one.

Although, at this point, I think Steinbrenner would take a loss of $200 million to win a World Series.